


campfire nights/closed blinds

by Anonymous



Category: Pocket Monsters SPECIAL | Pokemon Adventures, Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types
Genre: Depression, M/M, Preciousmetalshipping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-11-08 18:38:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11087589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Silver remembers the cold nights camping out with Gold.gold is suffering from depression, silver has been there and feels for him





	campfire nights/closed blinds

**Author's Note:**

> extremely disjointed and messy fic i wrote two years ago, i still like the idea/emotion of it

Silver remembers the cold nights camping out with Gold for weeks on end with their pokemon and limited supplies. Every now and again they would stay at a pokemon center, but those memories aren’t as visceral as the nights spent by their tent. Silver thought of Gold, who became introspective in the light of the campfire. Gold who was usually perpetually smiling, seemingly only interested in the spontaneous and perilous. Gold, who also had this side to him that seemed to reflect on the night sky.

Those nights feel like ages ago as Silver curls his hand into a fist to knock at Gold’s door. He hears scampering and shuffling from inside the house, no doubt the sounds of the many house pokemon that live with Gold and his mom.

“Come on guys, you’re tripping me!” Silver hears Gold bark moments before the door swings open.

Gold is wearing wrinkled gym shorts and mismatched socks and he shoves his hand back into the front pocket of his hoodie. His hair is even messier than usual and Silver thinks Gold looks tired in a way that he’s never seen before.

“Hey, Silv,” Gold says, offering a guilty smile. Silver’s expression softens at the nickname he once scowled at.

Silver is wordless and relieved as Gold guides him into the house.

–

“It’s been awhile!” begins Gold, “I wanted to come see you, and planned on it, seriously… and… I’ve just been…” he trails off and his gaze becomes unfocused. Silver clenches his teeth, debating what to say. It’d been a little more than half a year since they’d last seen each other, but it felt much longer.

“Crys told me you’ve been depressed. You don’t have to explain it,” Silver forces out, mouth dry, and finding it more difficult to speak so bluntly than he had anticipated, “and it’s not always on you to come find me. So don’t even think about apologizing-" Silver stops himself from punctuating with the word 'dumbass' and closes his mouth. 

Gold’s shaky smile returns, “I’m almost pissed at serious-gal for telling you but I guess it’s easier this way,” Gold says with a defeated shrug, “S'much as I don’t want you to see... you know what, I’m glad you’re here, dude.”

 _I missed you,_ Silver figures he’d say if he were a little more mature.

–

Gold leads Silver to his room where the blinds are barely cracked open despite it being just past noon on a sunny day. Silver doesn’t mind the dim room and doesn’t comment that it’s unlike Gold. Besides that, Gold’s space is messy as always, with dirty clothes discarded on the rug and magazines and videogames in piles. Silver glances to a photo of Crystal, Gold and himself pinned to a bulletin board on Gold’s wall.

Gold motions for Silver to sit on his bed as he rummages around in the corner of his room. When Gold returns he flops down next to Silver on the bed. In his arms, Gold is holding a large blue and white egg.

“Prof sends me stubborn eggs to hatch, so I’ve been keepin' busy,” Gold says, looking fondly down at the egg and stroking it, “I’ve never seen one like this before.”

He hands it to Silver. Silver doesn’t know how Gold can handle pokemon eggs like it’s second nature. Silver feels uncomfortable holding something so fragile and important, and wonders when Gold became so much less careless and rough.

“I know it’s kind of weird, but i like to sit ‘em with me to watch TV, or bring them to the kitchen while I’m getting food,” Gold explains, “even though they’re just eggs, the pokemon in the house are really interested in them, so I introduce them all. And I spend a lot of time just holding them and it’s actually kind of soothing, you know?” Gold shakes his head to himself, “I never woulda thought. It just feels like the right thing to do. And I can’t do much else lately,” Gold laughs, then sighs.

“Sorry I’m so fucking.. _this..._  right now,” he says after a moment.

“I told you it’s fine,” Silver insists, feeling anxious in the face of Gold’s self consciousness. He wants Gold to know it’s alright, that he’s been there, that he will feel the same for Gold no matter how he is. Silver isn't sure he has the words.

Gold wriggles backwards until his back hits the headboard of his bed to sit with his legs outstretched and Silver scoots back to meet him. Their feet knock together lightly as the two sit in silence, Gold stroking the egg in his lap and Silver, again, trying to think of how to phrase all the things he wants to say.

“Gold,” Silver finally starts, and Gold looks toward him as Silver stares at his own feet.

“Feeling like this doesn’t make you weak,” Silver says, feeling dumb that expressing the appropriate level of emotion did not come easily to him.

Gold rubs at his nose sheepishly. “I know” he says after a beat, “I’m just not really myself and it sucks. And it’s stupid. 'Cos, y'know, I'm lucky, and... yeah.”

Silver nods at Gold’s equally lame and evasive response and they return to silence.

“I think…,” Silver tries again, “what you’re doing with the eggs is really great… even if you feel like it’s all you can do right now… shit…” he’s stumbling over his words and Gold laughs lightly again.

“Silver, don’t push yourself,” Gold says, used to Silver's tendency for silence. 

Gold lifts himself up from the bed to set the egg back down into the pile of heated blankets in the corner of the room.

“No... really,” Silver speaks again, taking advantage of Gold's turned back as Gold rearranges the blankets, “it’s really amazing because you feel this way, like shit, I guess, but you’re welcoming these creatures into a warm and loving house. They’ll always have that. Do you know how important and valuable-” out of his control, Silver's jaw clenches shut. 

Gold knowingly turns to search for Silver's gaze. Silver, his rival and best friend, had no such experience growing up.

“Visit more often, Silver?” Gold asks instead of responding, and despite the easy tone, it sounds pained and Silver can tell it’s something Gold’s been wanting to ask since Silver called him up on his Pokegear last week to tell him he would be visiting.

Silver sighs because he loves Gold, and visiting more, it’s so obvious. He loves Gold, and he knows it well and has known it for a long time, and Gold might be depressed because it’s hard to be a dex holder and it’s hard to come out of that unscathed, but maybe it’s also because Silver’s not around. And Crys isn’t around. And Red isn’t around.

Silver thinks he knows because he struggles too, and has for a long time; much longer than Gold. The strain of untreated post-traumatic stress on his daily life catches up with him often, and Blue understands and loves him but has her own life far from his own. But Silver doesn’t need to be far from Gold.

It would be different, Silver thinks, if he could open up even more to Gold, kind of like when they would camp out for weeks in the forests, and at a certain point both of them could say anything late at night.

Silver had been sure that in those times he had expressed to Gold that he loved him in every form besides telling him with words. Silver had been sure, but doesn’t know now. His chest aches dully in this realization.

Gold walks back to where Silver sits on the bed and Silver grabs Gold by the wrist and pulls him back down to look him in the eyes.

“I love you,” Silver says abruptly, “and I want to tell you how much I believe that you can get through this. Let me stay the night?”


End file.
